Well, today was quite the interesting day. It started off slow, with me waking up around 10:30, and proceeding to waste my day away playing video games and enjoying summer. Later, however, things began to get a little more dramatic. You see, it was around 4:00 when i recieved an instant message offering me a chance to hone my already perfect goaltending skills*, in a small bout of 3 on 3 hockey. I agreed, and ate my dinner hurriedly so i could pick up Keila and still make it only 10 minutes late. Well, i got Keila, and pulled into the JCC. We were making our way towards the IHC (Inline Hockey Center, our final destination) when we had to traverse a traffic circle. Normaly, traffic circles are no problem, but today, however, they were. As i was rounding the circle, I noticed a car that was going to be another car getting on the circle very shortly, and if our paths continued, there would certainly be a collision. I, knowing i had the right of way, continued as planned, keeping a weary eye on the approaching car. I knew it would stop, after all, there are yeild signs all over. Alas, i was wrong. She, it seemed, would not be bothered simply by a definite collision to bring her car to a halt. At the last second, she slammed on her brakes, as did I. In the panic, I has stalled the car. She said “Sorry, go ahead” , to which i replied (trying to conceal my anger as best as possible) “No, my car is stalled, Go.” She quickly responded “No, you go.”, at which point Keila clarified, saving me the agony of explaining something so simple to an idiot. She just began moving when my anger burst forth, and i began screaming “THERE ARE YEILD SIGNS EVERYWHERE!” as loud as i could, so i knew she could hear me. This sent Keila into a laughing fit like I had rarely seen. As we pulled into the IHC parking lot, I commented on Keila’s execive laughing, saying “I’m glad my anguish brings you joy.” It was at this point that Andrew Keila lost it. He was laughing harder then I had ever seen him laugh before, to the point where he was incapable of opening the car door and letting himself out. It was madness. After a long while, Keila regained composure, and we continued. We were the first ones to get there, meaning i had no reason to rush through my dinner. Me and Keila walk in, carrying our loads of equipment, when this kind old devil lady says, in an innocent voice “You know we close at 7:00, right?”. It was 6:30 when she said this. So, Keila called Ashim (the one who was setting this gig up), and repeated to him what the innocent old she-devil and told us. After a brief conversation, Ashim was heading back home, and we were leaving, feeling like idiots. Well, me and Keila (Keila and I, for those of you who are grammer nazi’s) talked it over, and decided that Keila would just chill at my place for a few hours before heading back home. But, in a moment of clarity, i said “But wait, while we have a hockey gear, why don’t we see whats happening at US blades?”. We waited patiently for a spot to open up on Maple from which i could turn left out of the JCC, and finally one came. I took it, and we approached a red light. When we stopped at the red light, both me and Keila, previously engaged in a conversation about just how much dick Ashim sucked, stopped immidiatly. Our mouths hung open, and our collective train of though derailed. Next to us, in a convertable, talking on her cell phone, was an absolutly gorgeous blonde, 16 or 17 years old. The light quickly turned green, and we were left wondering what might have been. After that we continued on the US Blades with the lack-luster navigation of Andrew Keila himself, and pull into a deserted parking lot. I pull the car up and let Keila out so he can see if its open, but alas, it is not, not so much as even a note. Keila points to the other set of doors, and says he’s going to go check them out. So I decide to do donuts in my car. No punch line. I just did donuts. It was fun. But, apparently US blades is out of buissness, so we get in my car and decide to make our way home. However, i wasn’t about to let a simple disfranchisement of a Rollerhockey joint forbid me of my adventure. No, life threw me lemons, and i hate them whole. I decided that instead of just backtracking to the JCC and them finding my way home, i would go the other way, and see what fate would bring us. Dirt. That is what fate brought us. A dirt road. So, while my cars paint screamed in agony, we traversed through the unfamiliar countryside. After nearly rolling over (and into a lake), we finally made it back onto pavement. Sweet, sweet pavement. At once i knew where i was, and made my way towards my house, our adventure seemingly over. Little did i know, adventure was mearly resting, and our next travesty was only a phone call away. My phone rang, it was my sister. You see, my parents are out of town, out of the coutnry infact (continent too, for those of you who can read big words), so my sister is watching over the house. She calls and says “Hey, don’t forget to pick up dog biscuits on the way home.” Of course, i had forgottenn, and the only place that lay between me and home that even had the possibility of having dog biscuits, was none other than 7-11. Notorious for its huge beverages, and cheap donuts, 7-11 was unlikely to have dog biscuits, but we were desperate. We pulled into the parking lot (norrowly missing a t-bone collision that would have left Keila very, very dead) and parked the car. All was well so far. We stepped in, and searched. We looked everywhere. On the shelves, in the back room, in the register, on the rool, in the car of the decidedly indian man working the counter, but alas, there were no dog biscuits to be found. We were saddened by this, but decided a slurpee would cheer us up. We made our way over to the slurpee machines. The first thing we noticed, was a new flavor, simply entitled “Frawg”. Frawg was bright green, and looked very much like Mountain Dew. Upon further investigation, we discovered that Frawg was a green apple flavor. Keila, having procured the largest slurpee canister he could find, made his drink out of what seemed like every flavor there, including Frawg. Keila, who wasn’t paying full attention, managed to spill some of this Frawg on his hand, sending him into a laughing fit, especially when the old lady that worked there informed us she had just cleaned the place. Keila cleaned up his mess, and it was my turn to try my hand at slurpee making. I, being must more traditional, decided that i would go with just plain Coca-cola flavored slurpee. By this time, other people and begun to fill the store, all of whom seemed to want slurpees as well. So, in order to maintain the nantural balance of life, and to get my slurpee first, proving that i was indeed the most worthy person in the store, jumped forward and seized the slurpee machine, and instantly started pouring slurpee into my much-smaller-than-keila’s-cup-because-keila-is-compensating-for-something. Because of my haste, i had missed the small hole on the slurpee top, and now had frozen beverage all over my hand. I turned my head over my shoulder back at Keila, who was still standing my the napkins cleaning up the remenence of his mess, and shouted for some napkins. I turned my head back to the slurpee just in time to see it burst forward like a volcano. Because i wasn’t paying attention, the slurpee filled to the brim, and then some. The resulting mess was astounding. There was slurpee everywhere. The people whom i had dashed in front of to get my slurpee gave me a look of half-digust, half-pity, as i scrambled to get napkins for the disaster zone i had just created. I cleaned up the mess i had created as quickly as possible. Keila got slurpees for my sister and her freind, while i secured the cups in a cup-carrying-tray-thingy. I paid the cashier, avoiding his eyes, which looked simply murderous, and fled the scene. We finally made it to my house, and couldn’t find my sister or her friend to give them their slurpees. We put them in my fridge, at which point Keila began looking through my sisters stuff which was planted convieniently on the kitchen counter, muttering “I hope your sister doesn’t mind me snooping.” Just at that moment, my sister and her friend, as well as my dogs that they were walking, appeared in the window behind Keila. I warned Keila, but he payed no attention to me, simply playing it off as a joke. However, when my sister opened the door, Keila quickly dropped her stuff, looked up at me, and prompty declared “I thought you were joking!” Well, fortunatly for him, she had not noticed him snooping, and went on her merry way, thanking us for the slurpees. We proceeded up to my lounge, where some serious xbox was played. After Keila got bored of getting pwnd, we turned off the electronics. It was at this point that I said something apparently very humrous. Keila burst forward in laughter, sending a huge amount of snot cascading onto his chin. The booger had caught Keila by suprise, and he stumbled to the nearest bathroom, which happened to be in my room. I lay on the floor, doubled over and laughter, as Keila emerged holding a small towel, and saying “Whatever you do, do not use this towel. After the laughter subsided it was time to drive Keila home. After a brief discussion of cars, and after he showed my his brothers GMC Jimmy, complete with highly-illegal Police Lights, we parted ways, and the night was over.
*Nate Wilkie’s Already perfect goaltending skills were confirmed after he let in only 6 goals on 30 shots, playing the game of his life, with an astoudnign save percentage of 80. Andrew Keila contributed 2 goals in this 6-3 loss.
